How do parents unknowingly create psychological problems for their children?

Many problems in raising children are passed down from generation to generation. First of all, parents often violate their children’s personal boundaries, limit their freedom of expression, and form incorrect behavioral patterns. A vivid example of this is the following phrases:

1. “Sleep or the monster will come”. Some adults use intimidation to force a child to adhere to certain behaviors. But as a result, it creates irrational fears, and invented threats to manipulate a child lead to a loss of trust in parents. In addition, bullying causes stress and anxiety.

2. “Come and hug me”. If a child does not want to hug a relative whom he or she has not seen for a long time, you should respect this position and not force him or her. Otherwise, in adulthood, he or she will perceive the violation of personal boundaries as a norm, where the main thing is to endure.

3. “Stop crying!” A child’s emotions are important and deserve attention. Ignoring and suppressing them creates the idea that expressing emotions is shameful and wrong. The child will begin to hide their emotions, even when they really need support. Unless they learn to express emotions correctly, they will accumulate them, which often leads to a negative impact on the body and aggression.

4. “Don’t say stupid things”. Of course, because of his age, a child cannot understand absolutely everything, but his words should not be devalued. This phrase tells the child that his or her opinions do not matter. This can lead to low self-esteem and fear of expressing their position.

5. “Don’t talk too much”. Some parents want their children to obey them in absolutely everything and silently follow instructions. Only then do they wonder why the child has become withdrawn and answers their questions with a banal “Everything is fine.” If you do not give the opportunity to share your experiences in childhood, then in adulthood a person will be secretive.

6. “Either this way or no way”. You should not set conditions for your child, but rather give them the right to choose. For example: “Do you want chocolate or berry ice cream?”, “How do you want to celebrate your birthday?”. If you constantly make decisions for your child and only confront them with the fact, they will subconsciously look for someone to make decisions for them in the future.

7. “Because I said so”. This phrase closes the door to healthy dialog and explanation, which is important for the child’s development. Instead, it is better to explain the causes and consequences so that children can learn from their own experience.

8. “Do as you are told!” Sometimes parents think that they know better than their children what they need, choosing clubs for them at their own discretion. But it is impossible to feel even your own children 100%. It’s important to listen to them and give them the opportunity to look for areas of interest on their own.

9. “Do not interfere, adults are talking”. This phrase creates a sense of inferiority in the child, makes him feel alienated and unnecessary. He begins to think that his opinion and presence are not important.

10. “You will be the boss in your home!” This phrase suppresses initiative, leads to the development of submissive behavior and the inability to defend one’s interests in the future. It infringes on the child’s personal boundaries and the development of his or her independence. In addition, it creates a distance between parents and children, causing a sense of isolation and misunderstanding.

Some parents do not consider it necessary to spend time on calm conversations, as one shout gives a quicker result. But it doesn’t make things easier, it makes things worse. The consequences just appear much later. Playing a key role in shaping the psychological health of their children, parents must create a healthy environment for development and growth. This lays the foundation for raising a confident, emotionally stable and happy child.

The article is based on the materials of the web portals “Child Development” and “Vseosvita”.