Life Deferred Syndrome: How to Get Out of the Waiting Zone

How often do we make promises to ourselves to start exercising on Monday, to start realizing our goals from the New Year, “if I have more time, I will do my favorite hobby,” “I will earn more money, and finally heal properly.”… The list of promises and desires only grows longer, and we keep putting life off until later. “Later” is an illusion; these magical times will never come if you keep putting off your dreams and aspirations.

What is the syndrome of postponed life?

Deferred life syndrome is a condition in which it seems that the dream life will come in the future. The person is waiting for a moment or event that will create the most favorable conditions for the realization of desires. In Maggie Jay’s book “The Important Years. Why You Shouldn’t Put Your Life on Hold”, the author calls this state a “rehearsal of life”. This is a life of dreams that does not allow you to enjoy the present moments. It is a constant expectation of a bright future. This is an unconscious life that ultimately makes you feel unfulfilled.

Deferred life syndrome manifests itself in the feeling that true happiness is still ahead. This state is similar to an endless pursuit of the horizon. A person constantly puts off things that are important to them, hoping that the perfect moment will come for them in the future. There are always excuses why not now.

Why does the condition of Deferred life syndrome ?

Often, the syndrome of deferred life is a kind of psychological defense mechanism and a fear of leaving the comfort zone. The level of self-confidence and self-reliance plays a crucial role in this case. A person may have specific goals and desires, but is afraid to realize them because of the fear of failure. This fear can also be reinforced by the unstable situation in the country.

In the case of Deferred life syndrome , the so-called tunnel thinking occurs. That is, a person gets stuck on a certain idea: “that’s when it will end”, “that’s when I will get a promotion”, “when I will earn enough money”. Attention is focused on the obstacles that prevent them from building a happy future. Real life passes by. If you put your life on hold, you will always lack something for happiness: a new car, a bigger salary, a more spacious house.

How can you help yourself today?

Life is not a performance, no rehearsals are needed. You can’t change your mindset completely in one day, but there are certain steps that will help you along the way:

1. Every day offers valuable opportunities. First of all, you need to realize that life is here and now, and you can’t get back the days, months, and years of “life in anticipation.” Every day brings certain opportunities: new acquaintances, interesting ideas, situations that can make positive changes in life. But if we are stuck waiting for a “better moment,” we simply do not notice them.

2. Think about your aspirations. Do they really find a sincere response in your heart? Or are they simply imposed by society or family? Listen to yourself, true desires do not cause internal resistance, they inspire. Imagine that your desire is realized. Do you feel sincere joy? If not, you should rethink your goals.

3. Specific desires and deadlines. Vague dreams without specific deadlines will remain fantasies. All these “someday,” “somehow,” “maybe” are just putting off life for later, which only lulls you into a comfortable expectation of change. Specify your goals and determine how much time per day or per week you can devote to their realization in order to achieve what you want in a certain period.

4. Small steps to a big goal. The main thing on the way to a better life is to start. Even small actions lead to big changes. It is important not to expect instant results, but to appreciate every little progress and not to stop.

5. Think and act. Long deliberations lead to doubts and only further trap you in the trap of inaction. You can adjust your next steps when you have already taken the first step. Confidence comes in the process of action.

6. Change is development. We shouldn’t be afraid of change, because it is change that allows us to move forward, not just go with the flow. Changes allow you to get rid of stereotypes, open up more opportunities, teach you to adapt to new conditions, and give you confidence.

7. Joy on the way to the goal. Realization of true desires brings joy in the process of achievement, not just at the moment of the result. After all, we gain new emotions, knowledge, discoveries, skills, and experience.

8. Say yes to opportunities. We often give up things that really interest us because of uncertainty or simple laziness. Thus, we do not let more bright colors into our lives. Say yes to a new hobby, an unplanned meeting or a trip.

9. Give yourself joy now. Don’t buy things “for later,” don’t wait for a special moment to wear your favorite clothes or use beautiful things. Every day has special moments, and today you can create the mood you want.

10. Appreciate what you have. Happiness is not somewhere in the future, but in what surrounds us every day. Why not enjoy the warm embrace of your loved ones, a cup of coffee with friends, a moment of peace in a busy day? Living in the here and now means learning to notice and appreciate the moments of happiness today. After all, it is dozens of small joys that fill life with meaning.

The best time to make changes is now. Start today and you will see that life will sparkle with new colors. Every day brings new opportunities to take a step toward what you truly want. Get started to feel how your inner state changes and the energy for new achievements appears.

Based on the materials of the psychological project “HoldYou”